Written by Arik Knapp | 26 March 2010

Recently I was critical of Brent Sutter, and with good reason.  The coaching decisions he makes are completely ridiculous: which goalie starts in important games, Staios on the powerplay, and finally the last minute of last night.  This quote from Ryan Lambert of The Two Line Pass illustrates what I'm referring to pretty well.

Memo to Brent Sutter: when your opponent ices it late in the third period, and your team is down by a goal, and the playoffs are literally on the line, you don’t put your fourth line on the goddamn ice, you moron.

Like I said, I was critical of Brent Sutter.  But last night was the last straw. I'm done believing this farce. There is no possible way he could be this goddamn stupid. I'm sorry, but I watched a lot of the Devils games last year and his coaching made ScoClem (copyright me) look like Martin Brodeur.  I don't know how you can go from that to, well, starting Toskala in a must win game that isn't a back to back (last Sunday against the wild).  I might not have played hockey in YEARS but I know not to put the worst goalie in the league in for a super important game. Or an aging D on the PP. There has to be one of two things going on here:

1. Ballin' Sutter doesn't have that much power, even though he's the coach. In other words, Staios on the PP and Toskala starting this much mean that  Darryl is upstairs commanding these to happen in order to validate the absurd ridiculous asinine trades he made.
2. Brent hates his brother. I'm sure you've probably heard that if the Flames miss the post season, Daz is gone. Brent probably has too, and is excited at the prospect of having a GM who doesn't think Kotalik is worth trading for.

Of course, like most things, the truth is probably somewhere in between.  GM Sutter is forcing Coach Sutter to make moronic coaching decisions, so Brent just runs with it because who wants to work in that environment? There are other possibilities too though:

• Brain slugs are controlling Brent's coaching maneuvers. They are also Oil fans.
• Brent has Alzheimer's
• The Flames can only win the Cup once every century, and this century we need our win to prevent the Oilers from winning in 2 years (we'll beat 'em in the conference finals) and causing the apocalypse of 2012.
• Something about robots.

Written by Justin Azevedo | 26 March 2010

I am too. So, with that in mind, come join some of your favorite Flames bloggers at FlamesCentral tomorrow @ 11am to drown your sorrows in booze and food. I was going to try and write something positive, try to be optimistic that there is a 7% chance we might make the playoffs, whatever. But I can't. And that essay will come the day the Flames are eliminated by Washington or Boston or whomever. I don't know if I can blame all of this on Brent and Daz, because that pile of shit that was on the ice last night is the fault of the players. Instead of going out there and winning the easiest game we had left, we let the Islanders and all of the glorious 4 thousand in attendance beat the 55 million dollar payroll Calgary Flames.  I really don't know what to say anymore.

Written by Justin Azevedo | 25 March 2010

A couple of funny things, while we are at it: the top 5 searches leading people to 4thlineblog.com?

1. horrible flames trades
2. rene bourque is gay (ed.note: WTF?)
3. joshua jackson
4. glencross scoreface
5. olli jokinen

Also, thanks to the fine folks at Matchsticks & Gasoline for being our #1 referrer! As for the game tonight, let's just hope it doesn't end like this.

Go Flames Go!

Written by Justin Azevedo | 24 March 2010

First, a couple notes: Glencross is still on crutches, Higgins is still in a walking cast, and I overheard Lanks say something was broken while talking to the security guy beside us. Ian White was a big fan of my buddy's jersey, too. (It's a Dion jersey with hockey tape spelling out "WHITE" on the back.) It is exceedingly hard to get picture with players when there is a lady getting them to sign 18 pieces of memorabilia. Example: Iggy signed 6 things from this lady and still took time to get a picture with me. Classy guy. Also, as a general rule, if you have to ask who a player is, you shouldn't be getting his autograph.

Ian White and Kipper. Very rarely do you see someone tap Kipper's Pads.

The Faceoff in the Third.

Nyzerman with a big win off the draw.

The Gang celebrating Bork's breakaway goal.

I was way too lazy to adjust the red eye.

Gio's not actually that big of a guy. He's pretty quiet, too.

Said Iggy photo. He had a brand new pair of skates while signing all of that stuff. I felt bad for asking for a picture after.

I thought this ranked up there in the "lulz" factor.

There you go, wi.

All in all, good game, and the guys were more then accommodating for us.

Written by Justin Azevedo | 23 March 2010

The Calgary Flames' season has the potential to end tonight. Maybe not officially, but as I write this, they sit 4 points back of the Detroit Red Wings for 8th, 6 behind the Avs for 7th, and 4 up on the Blues for 9th. Those are all large gaps, given that they make up 25% of the Flames' available points at the moment. The Flames need to keep the Wings (or Avs, depending on the next couple games) within one game, even if Detroit has an extra to play with points wise.  Lose tonight, and there is a good chance Detroit goes 5 or 6 points up with 9 games left. That is a near-impossible gap to make up, especially considering the injuries that the Flames have encountered over the past 3 games. Glencross, a Corsi machine and premier penalty killer, Langkow, a possession driving #1 center (no matter what his point totals, he is still the #1 center-at least in my view) and Higgins, who has been the best player the Flames have had since the mid-season nuking of the team. Understand I am not blaming injuries if Sutter's group does not make it in, but rather showing what the Flames will have to overcome if they want to make it in to the playoffs. I don't think I'd have much argument if I said that these 3 guys have been top-5, at least quality wise, on the team this year, and there may not be any debate at all if you were just to count since the blowup. I am trying to say that a significant amount of quality now sits in the press box, and if the Flames are to make the post season, there are two players that may have to make it happen by themselves-and I don't think I have to tell you who.

* * *

I got three questions in the Mailbag this week, which is 3 more then I expected. (You can send questions, comments, and hate mail to justin.azevedo20(at)gmail.com.) The first, hockey-related, from Rod Blogojevich:

What do you think Kevin Weekes would say if Brent Sutter put Nigel Dawes, Jamal Mayers and Jarome Iginla on the same line?

Kevin would talk about racial equality and how the line shows progress in the way of equal rights. Then someone would tell him it isn't the 1960's anymore and realize that Jamal Mayers' eyebrows, Nigel Dawes' handlebars, and Iggy's soft hands could combine with those sick pads he had from the NJ days and form a player unlike any the league had ever seen. He would then call it Blacktron. And all those thoughts would be processed in a manner of nanoseconds, which then tells us why he says such stupid shit in the booth-it's because he's thinking of things much more important to mankind.

The second question comes from my buddy Mark B.:

So we all know Sutter is a dumbfuck. What would you grade his performance as this year?

It all depends what Sutter you are talking about. Brent? "C-", because somehow the team hasn't completely fallen out of it. Darryl? "E" for effort, because a "D" implies competence. (I guess you can't fail him since he was able to trade for Higgins and White and resign Bork). Duane gets a "B", mostly because I have no fucking idea what the Director of Player Personnel actually does. Finally, Ron Gets a "B+" because anyone the Flames pick at the draft this year will be a fringe NHL'er at best, and that isn't his fault.

Lastly, a life question from Rod:

I never have any food ideas. I always make the same meals for dinner, and quite frankly I'm getting sick of them. Do you have any meal suggestions?

This is all dependent on how complicated you want to go, if you are trying to impress, etc. So I'll give you my three favorite fancy dinners:

1. Grilled Salmon with Lemon and Poppyseed dressing, with Brocoflower and a starch;
2. Stuffed Pork Roast (you can put pretty much anything in there, and it's easy to knock a bone out and just use that as the stuffing area.) I like either breadcrumb stuffing, or carrots and potatoes in the middle. The side dish you serve depends on what you chuck in the roast.
3. Fondue. It's easy to do, especially when you have a plug-n-go machine. One tip: if you want to do a meat fondue with oil cooking, make sure the fondue pot you have has a meat setting, and all the fat is trimmed from the meat. This eliminates oil spray, but I would have a cover just to be safe.

Also, you can never go wrong with eggs in anything or baked Mac N Cheese. That shit's delicious.

* * *

I'm going to the game tonight and barring any major disaster, will have pics up tomorrow. For now, I leave you with this to drown your sorrows:

"This is my Happy Face."

Go Flames Go!

Written by Arik Knapp | 21 March 2010

This has been a dreamcrushing Sunday (if you actually bought into the idea that we were going to make the playoffs over last week) so I thought I'd cheer everyone up with a fun post!  Starting tonight I'll cast the Calgary Flames as the characters of the Mighty Ducks, the greatest hockey film ever made. Now due to lack of a number of characters, not everyone will get cast, deal with it.  Also the criteria for each character will be vastly different because screw you.  So the first character tonight is Mr. Craig Conroy as #96, Conway Twitty Charlie Conway. [caption id="" align="alignleft" width="267" caption="#96, Charlie Conway"][/caption] Now, I know it's easy to think, "He's the main character and captain, he's gotta be Jarome Iginla/Ales Kotalik!" But no, not this time.  For one, he's not the best player on the team, and for another, he's a heart and soul guy who knows when to step back, just like Connie did when he gave the C to Iggy. In D2, the  Ducks picked up another player as an injury replacement, but then Adam Banks came back and there were too many players to suit up.  So what does Charlie do?  He volunteers to not-dress out. Because he cares. That folks is leadership. Also, Conroy will likely have the best post player career in a broadcast booth somewhere much like Joshua Jackson is one of two actors from those movies who actually has a career still.

Written by Justin Azevedo | 21 March 2010

(So that mailbag? Yeah, it's being delayed while I pawn my rage off on my computer. You can still send questions to justin.azevedo20(at)gmail.com.)

Usually when teams are in a playoff race, they are supposed to show some kind of desperation. Desperation is not spelled "Vesa Toskala". I understand why you started him, Brent-you think that there is no way in hell you are missing the playoffs, so you want to rest Kipper for the run. And while it's fine to think like that, you also have to realize that you are in 9th place and you have to do everything you can to get this weak-sauce team into the post season. It's not all your fault. I understand that Darryl made awful trades in order to get you the roster you have now, but this is still a playoff roster. The sum of these parts (no matter how small those parts may be) makes up a playoff team. But you have made mistake after mistake after mistake. Multiple times, in multiple situations, you put the 4th line on after an icing call when the other team's tired 4th line is out there. You played Olli Jokinen and Iggy together for 50 games, and you used them against the toughest competition. Then you wondered why they weren't playing up to their salary. I'll tell you why-because Olli Jokinen's only offensive move was the "rape face"; and Iggy has carried this team for 10 years, so the days of him being able to do it by himself are over. Brent, I know you will never read this, but if it somehow makes your way to you, heed this advice: stop being such a moron and use your assistant coaches. I know 2 of them and have met a 3rd multiple times, and they are all very smart and have immense hockey knowledge. In addition, forget how much you are paying each of these guys and put them in a position to succeed, not to fail. I, and many other Flames fans for that matter, would rather see Steve Staios and Cory Sarich go up against the opposing team's fourth lines then to have them in positions where their salary makes sense. Ditto for Kotalik, and sadly, Hagman. (I never thought I would say this, but I would rather be paying Jamal Mayers that 3 million dollar salary that Ales Kotalik right now. Jamal is producing, both with his fists and his stick. Kotalik sucks on toast.) Well, try to suck less and good luck down the way.

(Edited @ 545 for Grammar.)

Written by Justin Azevedo | 20 March 2010

I didn't think I could hate you guys any more then I already did. Even when I'm cheering for you (well, ok, not cheering , but hoping for a Detroit loss), you guys go out there and shit the bed with that. 2 goals in 5 seconds? That's Edmonton bad. At least Edmonton can use the "we really suck" excuse for allowing a goal with .2 seconds left, but you guys have nothing to fall back on. Couldn't Burrows have pulled off some random piece of douchebaggery to stop Zetterberg? Couldn't that dickhead Kesler have hit the net with 30 seconds left? Howard had left more net open there then Curtis McElhenney does on a per-game basis! Luongo wasn't even flopping when they scored! I know, it surprised me too! Well, look at it this way: by the transitive property, you guys are now worse then Edmonton.

Go Screw Yourselves,

Justin

Edit: Special mention to Iggy for beating the shit out of that asshole Ryane Clowe, and to apologize for the excessive swearing.

Written by Arik Knapp | 20 March 2010

I had my surgery yesterday, and while the recovery is coming along quite well, one of my hands will be in a cast all week, meaning I might, MIGHT get one post out.  Apologies in advance, and enjoy the lovely work of Justin. Also, I'm on oxycodone, so take a drink for me as I can't (without lots of vomit, at least).  Finally, a haiku, for you. I got surgery I have as much energy As Old Steve Staios

Written by Justin Azevedo | 20 March 2010

So in anticipation of our upcoming move to Bloguin, I've decided to do a weekly mailbag. It will run every Sunday from now till whenever. Email me at justin.azevedo20(at)gmail(dot)com. It doesn't have to be hockey related, just keep the NSFW-ness to a minimum. Glove-tap for the idea goes to Rod Blogojevich.